When love becomes a lifestyle, it ceases to be an occasional event (date nights, anniversaries) and becomes the wallpaper of her existence. —meaning the "lifestyle" component is the container that holds the charity.
Psychologically, such a dynamic breeds toxicity. The recipient of hot charitable love often internalizes shame, sensing that he is loved not for who he is, but for the opportunity he provides the giver to feel virtuous. Over time, the heat of charity scalds into resentment. The giver may burn out, complaining, “I have done so much for you,” while the receiver shrinks into learned helplessness. Unlike true charity—which is meant to empower and then withdraw—romantic charity clings, because the giver’s identity depends on the receiver’s need. her love is a kind of charity hot